Dearest Dana
by geektime66
Summary: Dana's thoughts during and after 'Trust no 1'. Super sad fluff. Be warned!
Disclaimer: I do not own the X Files. If I did this story would not exist because the three of them would be together happily ever after.

 _Catch the Wind_

 _Donovan_

 _In the chilly hours and minutes of uncertainty  
I want to be in the warm hold of your loving mind_

 _To feel you all around me  
And to take your hand along the sand  
Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind_

 _When sundown pales the sky  
I want to hide a while behind your smile  
And everywhere I'd look your eyes I'd find_

 _For me to love you now  
Would be the sweetest thing, it's what'd make me sing  
Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind_

 _When rain has hung the leaves with tears  
I want you near to kill my fears  
To help me to leave all my blues behind_

 _For standing in your heart  
Is where I want to be and long to be  
Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind_

 _Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind_

Dearest Dana….

I read the words and my eyes fill with tears. In my mind I hear him calling me Dana. Whenever he said my first name it was always in moments of importance. I looked down at our small son and remembered Mulder's whispers and cries of 'Dana' as William was conceived. The way he would kiss his way up to my ear and breath softly, 'I love you Dana.' And each time my heart would nearly break from how full it was.

The next couple days after receiving his email were some of the worst of my life. When I decided to tell him to come home I was so excited that I could barely control myself. Every thought was of Mulder. I wanted to hold him and make love to him desperately. I wanted to see him hold our son and kiss his soft little head. When the realization came on the train platform that my fantasies would not come true it was all I could do to not break down. That night I cried for hours. For the first couple I held William close and smelt his little baby head letting his soft hair tickle my nose. I held on to the only solid evidence that Mulder existed. I finally returned our child to his crib and replaced the vacant spot in my arms with one of Mulder's sweatshirts and instead of smelling the sweet smell of a baby I smelled the musky scent of my soul mate. By 4:00am I had fallen into an uneasy sleep until my phone rang. I answered quickly knowing it would be important.

"Scully." I said nervously into the phone. There was a pause that felt like forever and I wondered if whoever it was had hung up, "Hello?"

"Dana."

The voice on the other end made me gasp.

"Mulder? Oh god Mulder are you alright?" I said panicked feeling tears prickling at my eyes yet again.

"I am. I had to get out of there quickly. I got my hands on a burner phone and as soon as I hang up I'll have to keep moving but I needed to hear your voice."

"Oh Mulder I am so sorry! It was stupid of me to trust them but I was so desperate to see you again. I wasn't thinking."

"It wasn't stupid I had a bad feeling about it and went along anyways. God I miss you so much I just want to come home but I feel like things are even more dangerous now."

"Probably. I am just so relieved to hear your voice though."  
"I only have a few more minutes. I am sure your phone is bugged. I know it is a dumb question but how are you? How is William?"

"I am surviving day by day. William is a happy little baby. He is remarkable Mulder in more ways than just that he exists. He… he moves things with his mind. It is terrifying and amazing at the same time."

"That's my boy."

Scully laughed a sad laugh.

"He is my reminder of you. My constant reminder of why this is the way it is for now. He is getting so big. He has little soft red hairs on his head. He has your eyes Mulder. He is so good and sweet. I sing to him. Remember when we were lost in that forrest in Florida on the way to that conference? It reminds me of you asking me to sing for you. He is the darling of the X Files they love him so much. Even Skinner melts when he sees him. But nothing will compare to when I get to see you holding him."

"I wish I was there."

I could hear the tears in his voice and it brought on her own.

"Someday you will be home and you can kiss and hold our son. You can sit for hours and watch him sleep like I do. We can be a family. It will happen. You'll be here and we can be happy. We can make love all night and I can make pancakes in the morning and we can take William to the park and just be normal."

"That is all I want, you and William. The three of us for the rest of our lives. When I get home we will run away and live a good life I promise."

"I miss you so much."

"I miss you. I love you Dana Scully. I will till the day I die but I need to go."

"I love you. So much. Be careful please. I don't know if I would be able to go on without you."

"I will. I will be home soon."

The phone went dead and I went to the sleeping baby in the other room. I sat vigil next to his crib and eventually fell asleep, my dreams filled with the man I love.


End file.
